Proper goal setting is paramount to personal growth. CEO, sage, barber, rock & roll icon… no matter the discipline.
Problem is though, people set shitty goals. Oh, they’re well intended, alright. Even directionally accurate. But most goals simply miss the mark.
Just as one has to ask a well formulated and thought-out question if a meaningful answer is ever to be found, one also has to set a proper goal if the intended-for destination is to be reached.
I was approached to participate in a high-level men’s group recently. The men in this group I knew to be high-caliber, solid gents. Certainly worthy of spending time with, of learning from and working with.
Ultimately though, I declined.
Why would I do such a thing? It would’ve certainly propelled me in a business sense. At the very least it would have been a great mastermind opportunity.
But here’s the thing: if the intent of the group were to form a business mastermind, I’d have been all in. But it wasn’t; it was intended to be a men’s group. The goal
A noble goal indeed, right? I thought so, too. Until I began getting down to the nitty-gritty of the tough questions; asking the “five whys”.
“What does an evolved man look like?” I asked. “How would he act?”
“He’s true to his word”, my friend said. Honorable; forthright. And though he might feel fear, he does the right thing anyway.”
“Right on”, I said. Then the $10k question: “what would be some examples of the ‘right thing’?”
He ran through some cliched examples of “save a kid from a burning building” bravery. I pressed further.
He spoke of resisting the urge to leverage power – physical, financial, positional, etc. – to manipulate others. Now we’re getting somewhere.
“The #metoo thing”, I said, “INCELs; bad cops. Cowards shooting at innocent crowds, blowing up synagogues and mosques…”
“Right!”, he said. “Men need to learn to be in service.”
“In service to who?”, I asked. And with that, I see that he’s now wondering if I’m a salvageable man after all.
He leans back in his chair, arms crossed. “Society”, he says. “Minorities. Women in particular.”
We went on with the conversation, and it was decent enough. This was a good guy. A solid guy. Well-intentioned. I’d do business with him in a heartbeat.
But I won’t join his men’s group.
And that’s because I see all of the things he’s shooting for – the intended goals of the group – as being mere consequences of being an evolved man vs goals of the evolved man. And there’s a major difference.
Attending to issues that are consequences of much deeper lacking simply means you’ll be forever playing whack-a-mole with a never ending parade of ills. The root problem is never addressed. In fact, the excruciating work of uncovering the root cause hasn’t even been discussed, much less undertaken.
And that work is excruciating. It has to be, to be in anyway meaningful and lasting. To the extent that it’s missing in our society is evident in the array of social ills we face.
I’ll leave you today with this: we pay mere
To be “in service” is a mere consequence of wariorhood. Nothing more.
Heal thyself, harden thyself, change the world –